Previously on the pursuit of sluttiness I wrote an article on how much and why I loved American women. It was needless to say that some day I’d write an article on how much I dislike the women from my own country and why I run away from them.Today is that day!
My previous article made some yankee doodle smiles, and pissed off some European lassies. Well, this article will probably get me the death penalty in all French fair sex clubs. French psychotic ladies will throw stones at me and shit on my face from so high that I will feel like god himself took a dump on my head.
You might have read some of my writing already, therefore you would know who I am, where I am from and how much I love meeting new women. If you haven’t, let me just tell you that I am a manwhore, originally from France and I have probably hooked up with almost every nationality in NATO’s force. Not trying to show off or get wannabe players to worship me, this is merely a fact.
Over the last three years, I dodged French girls from my generation at all costs. I was living in London consequently it was easy for me to date American or English ladies,
or whatever. Sure, I ended up having flings with some of them, but those were very rare and always ended up the same way :
over quickly and full of regrets.
London is a big town, filled with cosmopolitany and foreign figures from all over the world, which explains why you could always find shoes to your feet, no matter what your tastes and faves are. Therefore, it wasn’t really difficult to avoid the French gals.
But in December 2015, I decided to enlist in the French Marine Corps,tough not the best decision I ever took. I was sent back to the old motherland. Eating baguettes at breakfast, raging over the archaic train system, going out and drinking the French way…
Well, not really, but I tried.
In the summer, the French Riviera is crowded with tourists, making it pretty easy to avoid Frenchies; this is why I didn’t feel much of a difference the first time I came back. During the winter, it is a totally different story. If I wanted to keep up with my regular sexual activity, I knew I could not rely on the Erasmus students and the very few foreign girls who happen to get lost here. So it was time to dig up all of my prejudices against the poor French lassie. The last time I was making whoopee and dating these creatures was in 2012 (one night stands don’t count). Time has changed and maybe I matured too, so I decided to reset my hard disk and just embrace the French way once again.
I’ve dated a few ladies and, following a succession of failures, I realised that my opinions and fears about going back to the home ladies was not unfounded and was still in the actuality.
But what the f*ck is wrong with them ?
At first I thought I was just a bit of a prick, which would not be the first time I was showing my talent of intolerance. Though I live in France now, I often catch up with my rare French friends that are living in the perfid albion. I took care to ask them what were their views on French women… Out of five, four held the same positions as me….
Fuck the French birds !
I started to get more interested about this topic now that, after all, it felt good that I wasn’t the only one who felt this way. One Sunday morning, hungover as fuck, I went on google and wrote:
This did not bring me anywhere – literally. To be fair, it is not like I ever achieved anything during those lazy Sunday mornings, so it was no surprise. What I found though is that there is a real myth on French women. The articles that came up had bullshit titles like: How to be “ French “, why French women don’t get fat, French women style… blablabla. But these articles weren’t telling all about those proud creatures, all of them were very vanilla and naïve. Well, you might think all you need is to say “Ooh lala”
or surrender to germans to be French cool but no, here’s a few things you actually need to apply in order to be a real French woman.
Tip #1: Be spiteful and unkind.
I never understand if the women are voluntarily evil and gloating internally while being an absolute brat. It’s true that if a French woman has a remark to make she won’t go from A to B, but rather will go from A to “I drop you a free nasty criticism“ to B. I remember telling a French girl that my dream would be some day to be a writer and live from my writing. We all have an impossible dream; I eventually realized I suck too much at writing for that, but let it be, it doesn’t harm anyone to dream. Without checking out any of my writing she said:
Well that sucks, I like your style and you’re cute, but you are losing points for saying such stupid things. You haven’t studied enough, stay down to Earth; you won’t be the new Victor Hugo.
I was in awe that she would take this opportunity to jab me so hard as we were talking about our respective dreams. Fantasies are what keep you going in life, and trying to convince someone to give up on his dream nasty thing to do.bear in mind how she mention it was about losing/earning points while we were talking about our dream life scenarios, but I’ll come to that later.
What fascinates me is the demonic pleasure they feel when they are bad. I have, as every man in the world has, faced rejections. Sometimes it happens: you find a great-looking lady, you go and talk to her, but it doesn’t go well. Whenever I feel like the plane is going down, I usually give up. I say sorry and I walk away because I hate to be repealed. But some guys don’t get it, so they try harder until the girl asks them to leave.
A lady from across the pond or across the channel might say: “look I have a boyfriend, I’m sorry this doesn’t feel right“ or “sorry I have to go“. However, a French woman, if uninterested, says these lines before even letting you understand and send your signal. She would just jump on the opportunity to tell you that you’re a lame fuck and that you shall never dare to talk to a lady of her kind, considering the piece of shit you are.
Tip #2: Be confident, but in the bad way.
While in England or in America, people tend to be friendly to each other. Once again, in France it’s different. In the UK, you could talk to someone from the opposite sex without the necessarily having her think you have the idea of wanking inside her. You could make a joke in the queue at Waitrose or Tesco and then go back to your queing activity.
In the beautiful land of Moliere, our females don’t get the idea that a man can talk to her without being interested. If you made a joke to her in the queue, you’re obviously a perv looking to get in her panties. You start talking to her on the train, she’s either interested in you and she’ll drop the usual “French girl game“ ( I’ll come to that in a sec ) or she’s not and she will go berserk. This can be a simple “why are you talking to me?“ but can reach up to “GET AWAY YOU PERV“, even though your comment was: trains are slow today, aren’t they?
I mentioned the French girl game, what’s that?
To do it right, you need to act disinterested even though it is clear that you are horny as a humping donkey. The man in question needs to put you on a pedestal, but if he doesn’t you will put yourself alone on it. Remind him how low he is and how high you are compared to him. Make some nasty comments to him and remind him once more how much better than him you are. If he talks about something cool that he did, act like it makes no effect on you, roll eyes once more and say “ mouais “ (which is literally a mitiged yeah).
It amazes me the capacities they get to play, as if they were some kind of mythic creatures. No later than today, the last French girl I ditched texted me because she apparently saw me in town. (Contrary to popular belief, I’m always there for my exes if they want to talk.) So anyway coming back to it, she said something that reminded me of a funny video. So I said “hey you just made me think of this https://youtube.com/videoblabla“ and her reply was “yeah, I know you think of me all the time“. That made no sense, but she basically just took the opportunity to send flowers to herself even though six days ago I dumped her and told her I did not want to be romantically involved with her anymore. #Awkward.
Tip #3: Show off and be full of shit.
I always find it hilarious hearing conversations of Parisian brats who went to London for a year and act like they so lived the British lifestyle once they came back to France. They keep tying everything back to their time in the European Big apple. “Oh in London we do it that way “ and “Pfff that sucks, xxx is better in London than here“. Though this is already enough showing off here, it also makes them full of shit because 90% of those turds stay in between French and never hang out with British. They go on the French circle page on Facebook, go to a party with a French promoter, with French people while talking about France all the time. Yes, that same twat who keeps going on and on about the red buses and Shoreditch. The one who reminds you how much of a prick you are because you haven’t lived in London and you can’t understand. That’s the girl I’m talking about.
Tip #4: Everything can be a reason to make drama.
French broads excel at making scene out of nothing. Well here is the thing: all women from all ethnicities excel at making a scene out of nothing – at least all western women. I don’t think a Saudi woman can shout at her husband without facing death penalty.
Coming back to our beloved French devils, they do it better than the others, for once. You were hanging out with your mates, so therefore you have not checked your phone for 2h. You’re semi sort-of kind-of date-ish girlfriend will text you “I bet you’re with your sluts now. Have a good day never speak to me again”. Obviously they don’t expect you to never talk to them again, what they want is you to come back and say “Babe I’m sorry I didn’t have my phone on me, forgive me “. Though a man with some minimum sign of self-respect falling in the trap will go “babe for fucksake, I was just with my friends. I’m sorry if I didn’t check my phone, chill out ”.
Another very troubling thing that they do is that they will throw some hints that are very obvious to them, but not to you. Three weeks ago, I was with a girl I hang out with and we were waiting for the bus, when an ex of mine was from only 5 meters away from us. So I went “oh this is XXX, my ex“. This simple comment made my date mad, and I went “okay I haven’t saw this bird in years, let me just say hello“ and she said “ yeah, it’s fine go ahead “. I thought it would be no issue because she said “Go ahead “… I was incorrect. When I came back she was batshit insane and ditched me on the spot (later blaming me for not chasing her). If your Belle says “it’s okay“, it doesn’t mean that it is actually okay; watch out they are confusing creatures. After dating a French chick for a year, you’d be probably better than any other men at reading subliminal messages.
But they got it all worked out, being a drama queen in the vocabulary is called “ avoir du caractere” (have character/be strong) and that’s how they justify being absolute twats.
Tip #5: Be square minded, but pretend to be an example of tolerance.
I once was very ambitious and wanted to move the mountains, but the more I grew up, the more cynical I became. I remember that whenever I talked about my ambitions to a French girl, she would laugh in my face and tell me to get down from the cloud I was laying on. When I went to London on my own, I started as a dishwasher and worked my way through retail to advertising in three years. I always believed in myself, and I had a Swedish girlfriend back in those days who would always push me toward it. She would encourage me and tell me I could manage it. My French female friends were like “hahaha no way you’re going to be a recruiter you haven’t been to school you dimlo“.
These are the same women who think they are worth more than all ladies from the universe. They will say that English girls are all sluts, that American are dumb etc., but would call bigotry on me for this article. They blame Trump for having crude quotes, but will probably send me some horrendous message to my inbox that is borderline inhuman.
My mom is a great example on that actually. So I mentioned I went from a crappy hospitality job to an advertising role in one of the top 5 agencies worldwide. Well, in my mom’s head I was in London drinking and partying all the time, living without stress and worry (if you ever lived in London you know how impossible that is, unless you’re the son of a Qatari billionaire) and now that I am back taking a three-year career break in the army she thinks I am finally doing something with my life.
Although, it is safe to say that I feel like there is a lot of bad in the French culture. I do know a few French ladies who are exceptionally nice and sweet – don’t get me wrong they exist. But to make me more stubborn in my opinion, all those great French ladies I know are either way from Britanny or North of France or they have been growing up in the US or in England.
Now to conclude, I am glad I could contribute to humanity and explain to folks how to behave like a French woman, I really am. But for those who aren’t aware that my website is filled with sarcasm, you need to take that prose with a pinch of salt. There are some great French women out there that are very chilled out, I even know some personally. Though this article is pretty rough on the French fair sex, don’t fall into generalisations, there is good and bad everywhere.
If you disagree or share my views, please feel free to write a comment. I really want to know what you are thinking !
14 thoughts on “Why do I never date French ladies ?”
Maybe your little dull dating experiences are not enough evidence to feel entitled to judge an entire nationality and gender ? I mean I’m sorry you had frustrating relationships with lovers who happened to be french, but I mean plenty of people are dating frenchies right now and they seem to be having a terrific time. Maybe try and do better next time, and not justify your failures through that lovely mix of generalisations and slutshaming ? Cheers babe !
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Glad to see you don’t sell yourself short dear excellent french lover…
Joking, I truly appreciate your comment, no I really do.
This website is all about satire, generalisation and unpolitical correctness. On the other hand I truly admit being a twat.
don’t be like a typical french woman getting your self esteem from male attention. it is degrading and insulting. i hate you. you just proved him right by making this comment.
You’ll probably end up marrying one!
Was funny though, thanks for sharing.
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X you are so right and that’s what I keep saying to my mates !
“I don’t think a Saudi woman can shout at her husband without facing death penalty”– Wow look at you advocating for death penalty for women…
The sheer sexism and ignorance in your article is so despicable and i’m not surprised French women react to you the way they do… I’m French and I can say that we’re perfectly nice and agreeable, like any other woman from any other country. Sexism, on the other hand, we don’t accept.
No Sarah. I am against Saudi Arabia unfair treatments of Women, Homosexual and others.
Is the average saudi women can say ” FUCK YOU ” to her husband ?
Is the average Saudi women is free to sleep with whoever she wants to ?
Is the average saudi women is allowed to date another women ?
I’m not inventing it.
Last but not least – have you heard of sarcasm ever ? or Dark Humour or ” FRATIRE ” ?
It feel like I am reading myself ahahah! That’s true…
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Ahaha – honesty is a gift from god my friend.
It feel like I am reading myself ahah ! It’s true, english or american people are more kind though french women are still posh..
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I insist on saying not all french women are bad – the butthurts didnt read that part though – they’re stubborn lil fucks arent they ?
I found this article as everyone thinks you’re a dumbass on the french Facebook group. So I thought I could read it, and make my own opinion.
You are definitely describing most of the french girls as a evil women narcissistics, rude, to proud of themselves and always in the criticism, in a way to destroy someone else dreams.
Even if at the end you’re “apologizing” saying that it’s only sarcasm or black humor. I do think this is common of every nationalities not especially in France.
Back to the point about guys talking to you in France, I’ve been here for two years and I never had any problems about it, nobody has been rude to me or anything. But in France, several times I’ve been “assault” by some guys, in a really rude way even in my little city (even a “course pour suite” not far from my house) I think that’s why French girls doesn’t feel safe enough there.
However, I think this is a problem related to guys as well, which in my opinion act exactly the same way as well as girls.
And after all isn’t it a cultural issue? Maybe French are like that, as well as English girls are slutty, closed minded and arrogant (no offense here just sarcasm)
In conclusion, I think you do have a point here BUT it doesn’t apply only for french women.
I think this is more a European issue (only visited Europe, I can’t tell about others countries) but also a male/female common point.
Also, this is the point of view of a non objective French man. But I could advise you to be less personal in the future and more in the two sides view with the pro/con.
Histoire de ne pas t’attirer les foudres des London Frenchies.
In any ways, good luck for the future and your writing projects.
PS: English loves french girls, I don’t know why.
Thanks for your note.
1) well it’s fine I don’t have much French friends and I’m willing to keep it that way.
2) Nowhere in my website and in my speech I support street assault and street harrassment. the women I get romantically involved with are absolutely consents – I’m sorry if you faced a hit and run but trust me I don’t let it happen when I am around – as a soldier I always jump to help people in need.
3) I could be less personal but this is my website and I’m not planning on pleasing anyone sore feelings
Thanks for your encouraging conclusion and when it comes to english guys loving the french girls… I don’t know but exotism must be the thang here hehe !
Beautiful lyrics, indeed. Though, I judge on what I can see and live.