with love from Russia

russian article

This weekend has been an emotional blast. From Friday to Sunday, I fucked up big time. All the hopes I had put together to stick with Lily* and be a good date were thrown up into thin air, only to crash on the ground and allow remnants of ashes to lay. Friday had been a pussy rampage, like a victimized nerd going into a high school with daddy’s Magnum shooting all the innocents kids. I have been a disappointed fuckboy, ready to avenge himself by making a hooking spree.

Surely don’t call me Shirley- my phone was now full of new numbers. I made it up to Lily and the plane was gaining altitude. Sadly the pilot of my relationship was an inflatable doll. Unlike the movie Airplane, I did not see any happy ending here. Actually we would soon hit the ground real hard.

That specific Friday, I thought it was a brilliant idea to hook up with a girl that was in the same program as my girl; clearly, it was not. However, in my fall toward hell, I took down several ladies with me, including this Russian lady that I hooked up with on one of the tables.

I’d love to tell you how well I played this girl in the club, but the truth is that I was so drunk I barely recall it. However, since I know myself, I bet I brutally sat on her table, asked her where she was from, put my hand on her thigh, and kissed her as if there was a hole in the boat, she was probably heavy, and I struck her so hard with drunken confidence : She lowered her standards.That sounds like an accurate version of what really happened.

As I was heavy, I promised a Russian lady I would see her that Sunday at 2:30 at Tower hill station. A simple, respectable man always stands for his promises. But a respectable man with common sense that cared about his possible relationship with Lily, would have cancelled his promise, since it would be playing with fire… I have boundaries, but no little voice in my head to tell me about bad or good things. There is no difference between both, nor any clear bold line that separates it. Needless to say, I was totally going for this date.

I eventually felt like shit on Saturday and begged Lily,laying on my stomach, in the club to forgive me, which worked. Blessed I felt- truly I was out of trouble, and my Saturday morning guilt was now just an embarrassing memory of the past. I am now ready to fuck up again…Wait, no!

I was thinking about going to church this morning, praise the lord for offering me another chance with lily, but I think the devil actually set me up another shot, because he knew I was going to fuck up again… therefore, I skipped the whole righteous path idea and went to get a beer and breakfast at the local Wetherspoon (the one in peckham, proper shithole).

Image result for the kentish drovers
the bar itself, normally it is filled with chavs

It’s now 12AM, and my date is at 2:30. I shall take my horse and get going to my gallant date… but since no horses are available, I guess I will have to hop on a red bus and pretend.

Meditating in the public transport has always been my thing. I was overthinking the whole action through, and honestly the idea of seeing that girl was clear now. She would just keep me busy on Sunday. Instead of seeing French Michael, I would just hang out with the Russian bird as a friend. Clearly I’ve got another shot with Lily. I am not allowed by all means to fuck that up.

The odds were in my favor! I met Lily the first time in tower hill, so that acted as a reminder. Thomas was about to behave, and he was proud. She came right on time, wearing a red skirt with some high socks and some little boots. She was pure filth, like if I dragged her out on one of those fake agent casting couch videos you can find on any mainstream porn site, such as Pornhub. We finally found a pub and we ordered.

Beer for me , red wine for her, How typical!

We sat outside and started talking. Though Tower hill acted as a reminder of Lily, this little nudge would never have been able to compete with the massive boner I had at this moment. I also had this strong, tingly feeling in my stomach. Things kicked off quickly- we already kissed on Friday, and since it was already done, why not do it again after all? Besides, she was clearly throwing me a hint to do so, particularly when she grabbed my lapel and said, “What are you waiting for…. Just kiss me already.” Yes, she was a subtle lady.

Sorry Lily… I really fucking mean it, I really do, why does this always happen to me?

Soon enough, she grabbed my manhood sneakily, along with my jacket, and started kissing me. I was lost- my excitation level started raising significantly. I was off the ground, and ready for it.

Lily was up in town with her brother as I stand in a “must see” touristic zone of the European Big Apple. The ridiculous cheater that I am was jumping a step back every time the  red buses passed around the Pub Terrace. Many times I have been on a date and simply kissed and missed out on the actual shag, so I guess it would been easy, since I was trying hard the other time. If I didn’t try hard here, I would not get laid… Getting screwed is an effort when you’re a man.

Soon I felt sorted and was not worried anymore. As we chatted, she mentioned to me how she never had sex in a park. I see what she did there, but I looked right in her eyes and said that I was not in a mood for out of bed sex today. That’s it- I bashed her hint. She got the idea, and she didn’t try today. I’ll bet she understood that she wouldn’t get an inch close to my fuck stick.

We’re now having one of those senseless and casual chats about random life grievance, when she mentioned she lives right next to a church. I held it together for an hour, but it was now time for my natural self to slit the dragon’s throat with a long and shiny blade…
Thom : you live next to a church… funny enough, I thought about repenting myself and going to church today.

Russian lady : Maybe it is not too late to repent- who knows?

Thom : You could be right, but I think the hellfire and the ass whiping is what I deserve.

Russian lady : So do I.

Thom :Why don’t we go to the church together then?
Russian lady : Okay then!

Thom : Yeah? Let me fix my hair at your place before we go to the evening service, I want to look good for Jesus

We left the pub, and while we were heading to the church, aka her place, she turned back and said:

Since we are going to the church, do you have any condoms on you?

My fall down to hell started as a stone rolling down the hill, and it was now a mean ass snowball. Picture this- a year ago, I still had a girlfriend that I was loving and cheating on every now and then. Now I was a man whore, having the insolence to use a cult place in order to get laid and cheat on his current date. I bet Jesus is now changing his politics on forgiveness, and Mohamed would whip me 100 times before feeding me to the lion. But rest assured guys, with this decadent lifestyle that I have, you will get justice soon enough.

As a trailer from hell, the flat she lived in was quite accurate. She lived in a basement, with red lights- very artsy, with a painting of some guys pointing guns at themselves. Her flat mate had pink hair and looked like he was straight out of Mad Max.

The place was the typical fucking hipster shore ditch tool hideout, but I did not come for the design, did I? It looked like an old school brothel that was adapted to the situation I was throwing myself in.

She locked me in her bedroom, and I decided to go for a piss in her suite, waiting for her. When I came back, things kicked off quite fast. Once I had enough of it, I was laying and smoking a cigarette in her bed, while texting Lily. I’ve shown the lady to the Russian on Whatsapp and said:

Do you know that I am actually currently seeing someone by the way, I feel a bit bad she’s cute and she just forgave me that I kissed her friend 

She was a bit shocked that I would make those claims casually, while being naked on her bed, smoking after I fucked her hard twice. But after a few seconds, she let hilarity take over embarrassment and awkwardness.

I was having this typical post ejaculation feeling where now that I busted my nuts, I just wanted to run away from her place that looked like a brothel.

Have you ever felt that shit ?

Seriously, It is like when you just broke up with your ex and she call you to get some D, and since you horny you go there hands on and once you finished and came, all you want is get the fuck out.

Never have I understood how I always end up throwing my clothes everywhere in the room or the place where I am fucking somebody. Literally, I took about 15 minutes to recover all my clothes.

She escorted me out, and when I passed her two flat mates, one of the guys was putting make up on. Yes, you read that clear. I stopped, turned back and said to the Russian bird, “Hey, where can I find an ATM around here? I don’t have enough cash to pay for the sexual intercourse.”

She did not know whether to laugh or insult me, but I have not given her the time to think about it, as I spanked her ass and left shouting BAZINGA.

As I was walking back to the train station, I smelled pure filth. My hair was all messed up. I was smoking when I realized that I did not wash my hands… EW!

Hell of a way to go through the Lord’s day!

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